Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
