My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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