He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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