There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
