Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
