do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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