I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
