i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
