Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
