There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
A bitchslap is in order.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize