I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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