I skipped work to stalk him.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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