perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't turn off my feet"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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