So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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