shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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