yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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