I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
