Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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