If you die in college, do you die in real life?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh god it's open bar.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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