Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
