went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
