I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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