i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
