i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
