she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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