So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
