Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
