I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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