She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
