I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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