Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
