It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
