is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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