We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
