Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
