Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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