He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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