i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
