so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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