just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
