I think I am morally bankrupt
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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