somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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