Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
