I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
