3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
