It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
