What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
