kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
