Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
