just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize