yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
