I'm gonna have a badass scar
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Houston, we have a squirter
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
