So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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