Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She bit a glass in half.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm both gender and math confused
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
