I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
