I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
