the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
