Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
