Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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