Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
