i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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