I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As shirtless as possible
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
