I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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