Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
