i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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