K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
